This week at work, my shit, and a whole bunch of other people's shit, got handed to me. The particulars are kind of unimportant in the context of this blog, although the end result does have a significant impact on the direction our family may be taking.
My department, my job, which I actually did love doing, and a status quo of almost 8 years were all yanked out from under me with no notice on Thursday. The silver lining is that I was reassigned, and even during the worst economic crisis to hit higher education in the history of Nevada, I'm not taking a pay cut and I've been handed an opportunity to go in a completely new direction in a department where they are glad to have me. I'm lucky, as usual.
In the past few months, I've been doing a lot of professional soul-searching. Really, we knew that something drastic would happen with my job, although we didn't come close to anticipating this as it is. The career trajectory of the International Student Advisor has a narrow, very specific path. It's not like there are a lot of schools in Nevada (education isn't exactly high on the list of priorities here, which is intensely short-sighted and will only make things worse in the long run BUT I DIGRESS). Any change I would make in that field would likely be a lateral move, and it's unlikely that I would progress very much even in the longer term.
But I wasn't ready to quit. We aren't in a position for me to stop working. We have a new house, and although we got a hell of a deal on it, we lead a two-income lifestyle (oh, how fancy we are...). Ava is in a wonderful school, and if I'm not working, we'd cut that back pretty drastically (not entirely) and that would be sub-optimal for her. If I'm suddenly a stay-at-home mom, do we have another kid? I don't know that we're up to that just yet. Rob travels so much for work, it would be so hard to start over with a new baby right now. We need to have some stability, and so we were just in a holding pattern until something definite revealed itself. And that's what happened. A whole shitstorm of revelations came down.
The big picture shows that I'm not completely expendable, which means that the hives and acne (you know what's awesome when you're 38 and the spotlight is shining on you? PIMPLES.) that the stress of not knowing and not having any say in the matter was causing are starting to clear up. Instead of having to decide that it's time for a new direction, one was handed to me, and my resume can only benefit from it.
But my ego took a pretty big hit this week. It's hard not to be insulted. I like to think that Michael Corleone's philosophy of how it's not personal and it's just business is the way to handle stuff like this. But it's very personal. Someone else decided what I get to be when I grow up. That's not an easy pill to swallow (unlike Tylenol PM, which, thank the lord, is SUPER easy). I understand that change is inevitable and that These Things Happen and that BS about the good lord doesn't close a door without opening a window. The lesson thus far has been that in the future, when I grow up and I'm trained in my new job and moving up in the field (oh, we all know I will...), I will remember that even bad news deserves to be delivered with consideration. Mary Poppins said it best: A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. I think it is possible to do what was done this week without making it feel like it felt.
This week was also not an example of me being on my Motherhood A-Game, either. That really bothers me. Rob was on the road, and Ava is 2 and a half, and I had to be a grown-up at work AND at home, and that was hard. It sounds so petty when I think of it like that. I think of when I was a kid and my parents had stuff to deal with. My mom's been gone over 20 years, so she's kind of idealized in my mind. The absolute worst thing that I thought all week was "My mom would have handled this so much better..." and I got lost in that spiral. But I don't know that she would have done any better than I did. I've come to realize that she's probably be just as pissed off as I am and she would do her best just like I am, and that's really all there is too it.
This is kind of rambly, and, well, bloggity (oh, I get it...) but raising a family isn't always about what happens inside the house to everyone in the family all at the same time. This week was probably the toughest week we've had since Ava was born, and it's over and we all survived. From what I can tell, Ava's fine (although she now knows the word "why?" and she LOVES it because she repeats it over and over and COME ON, KID but she probably would have learned that anyway) and no worse for having a sad mom who wasn't up to the super awesome bath and bed routine on Thursday. Rob is, as ever, amazing, and is expertly providing balance to my indignantly unbalanced Scales of Justice In This World. And I'm fine. A door closed, but a window is open (even though that window now has a view of the freaking men's room instead of the Strip TRUE STORY).
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Four years ago...
... we threw a party. We invited 150 of our closest friends and family, and it was the most wonderful day that we could have imagined.
There was cake...
That's three tiers of buttercream-frosted strawberry cheesecake, people. We don't mess around when it comes to cake.
There were moments when we stopped what we were doing so that we could smile at the camera...
..and moments where nothing else mattered. Not even the cake.
There were so many moments when everybody just laughed.
May 20, 2006, was a day that was so perfect, that it just didn't seem real.
I didn't realize that it would only get better.
There was cake...
That's three tiers of buttercream-frosted strawberry cheesecake, people. We don't mess around when it comes to cake.There were moments when we stopped what we were doing so that we could smile at the camera...
..and moments where nothing else mattered. Not even the cake.
There were so many moments when everybody just laughed.
May 20, 2006, was a day that was so perfect, that it just didn't seem real.
I didn't realize that it would only get better.
Monday, January 11, 2010
364 Days
Tomorrow is Ava's first birthday.
Later this week, I'll post pictures from her party this weekend and talk about how much fun we had and how wonderful it was to celebrate with our friends and family.
Right now, it's about where this last year has taken us. At 11:00PM on January 11, 2009, Ava decided that it was time for things to happen and things have been happening every moment since that moment. I recently came across the little outfit that she wore home from the hospital, the one with the strawberry pattern and the little hat, the one that was so big on her. It's so small; I remember thinking as we put it on her, how will she ever grow to fit into this great big suit?
I remember wrapping her in a blanket that was doubled up because otherwise there was too much blanket and not enough baby, and then laying her down in the crib, and there was so much crib around her. And she was this little soft pink burrito in this great big crib.
I remember how long a 2-ounce bottle used to take at 4 in the morning, and how we wrote down every feeding for three months in the pink journal that I will keep for my entire life.
I remember how long 3 months of maternity seemed to be as it loomed ahead of me as I left work on that last day, and wondering how I would pass the time and thinking that maybe I'd get really good at Guitar Hero before I had to go back to work.
I remember watching Ava sleep, and knowing that I should try to sleep too, but how can I put her down when she's making all these cute little faces and she's so snuggly and I can sleep later.
I write this down because I won't remember all of it forever, and I want to make sure it doesn't disappear, because it's so precious.
We have spent 364 days getting to know this amazing little girl, and watching her figure out the world around her. We laugh because she laughs, we cry because she cries, we wake up because she wakes up, we love because she loves. It's amazing. It's exhausting, sure, but it's amazing. We're better people because we have someone watching us and learning from us.
Happy birthday, Ava. It's been the best year ever, and it's only the beginning. Let's go look at the world and see what we can see.
Later this week, I'll post pictures from her party this weekend and talk about how much fun we had and how wonderful it was to celebrate with our friends and family.
Right now, it's about where this last year has taken us. At 11:00PM on January 11, 2009, Ava decided that it was time for things to happen and things have been happening every moment since that moment. I recently came across the little outfit that she wore home from the hospital, the one with the strawberry pattern and the little hat, the one that was so big on her. It's so small; I remember thinking as we put it on her, how will she ever grow to fit into this great big suit?
I remember wrapping her in a blanket that was doubled up because otherwise there was too much blanket and not enough baby, and then laying her down in the crib, and there was so much crib around her. And she was this little soft pink burrito in this great big crib.
I remember how long a 2-ounce bottle used to take at 4 in the morning, and how we wrote down every feeding for three months in the pink journal that I will keep for my entire life.
I remember how long 3 months of maternity seemed to be as it loomed ahead of me as I left work on that last day, and wondering how I would pass the time and thinking that maybe I'd get really good at Guitar Hero before I had to go back to work.
I remember watching Ava sleep, and knowing that I should try to sleep too, but how can I put her down when she's making all these cute little faces and she's so snuggly and I can sleep later.
I write this down because I won't remember all of it forever, and I want to make sure it doesn't disappear, because it's so precious.
We have spent 364 days getting to know this amazing little girl, and watching her figure out the world around her. We laugh because she laughs, we cry because she cries, we wake up because she wakes up, we love because she loves. It's amazing. It's exhausting, sure, but it's amazing. We're better people because we have someone watching us and learning from us.
Happy birthday, Ava. It's been the best year ever, and it's only the beginning. Let's go look at the world and see what we can see.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
This Was The Year That Was
Holy crap, what a ride 2009 has been. I find that when I look back each New Year's Eve, there tends to be a theme to the year that may or may not have been apparent while it was happening. This year's theme? 2009: The Quest For Sleep.
When it began, I was sleeping for none and Rob was sleeping for 3. Two weeks later we were both sleeping on eggshells. In the subsequent months, we came to realize that at some point we would need to sleep more than 3 hours at a time (or total) in the night. So we consulted our team of experts and learned how to Train Our Child How To Sleep. It involved a really awful week of being awakened around 1AM, checking to make sure there was Nothing Actually Wrong, and letting her learn how to get herself back to sleep, all the while checking on her in 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, then 40, then (one awful, exhausting night) another 40. The theory is that the baby will figure out that it's OK to go back to sleep. And after a few days, it worked.
So now we gauge how we're all doing by whether or not Ava sleeps through the night. Whenever something is up, she evidently needs our undivided attention, which is most easily accessible between the hours of 1 and 4:30AM. This is when we learn about teeth, fevers, rashes, and various other potential unpleasantries. We find that the helplessness we feel at not knowing what to do about whatever is going on is compounded nicely by not being able to call anyone for help because it's the middle of the night.
Sleep begets sleep, we've found. When she has a good nap during the day, there's better sleep at night for all of us. And that's our year.
Happy New Year from Las Vegas. We won't make it to midnight--Ava's down by 9:00, and we'll wear out long before the tape-delayed ball drops on the west coast. But that's OK. Because a good night's sleep beats the crap out of Ryan Seacrest and the Black-Eyed Peas.
When it began, I was sleeping for none and Rob was sleeping for 3. Two weeks later we were both sleeping on eggshells. In the subsequent months, we came to realize that at some point we would need to sleep more than 3 hours at a time (or total) in the night. So we consulted our team of experts and learned how to Train Our Child How To Sleep. It involved a really awful week of being awakened around 1AM, checking to make sure there was Nothing Actually Wrong, and letting her learn how to get herself back to sleep, all the while checking on her in 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, then 40, then (one awful, exhausting night) another 40. The theory is that the baby will figure out that it's OK to go back to sleep. And after a few days, it worked.
So now we gauge how we're all doing by whether or not Ava sleeps through the night. Whenever something is up, she evidently needs our undivided attention, which is most easily accessible between the hours of 1 and 4:30AM. This is when we learn about teeth, fevers, rashes, and various other potential unpleasantries. We find that the helplessness we feel at not knowing what to do about whatever is going on is compounded nicely by not being able to call anyone for help because it's the middle of the night.
Sleep begets sleep, we've found. When she has a good nap during the day, there's better sleep at night for all of us. And that's our year.
Happy New Year from Las Vegas. We won't make it to midnight--Ava's down by 9:00, and we'll wear out long before the tape-delayed ball drops on the west coast. But that's OK. Because a good night's sleep beats the crap out of Ryan Seacrest and the Black-Eyed Peas.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thanksgiving 2009
We had a wonderful time in San Diego with Rob's family. AJ, UK, and BA made sure that Ava's first Thanksgiving was just magical. They even put up a Christmas tree and had a present ready for her (thank-you note is forthcoming...).
Such a fuss! They went all out, as they usually do, and we can't thank them enough for spending so much time with us throughout the week.
I'd also like to give up a shout-out to Hampton Inn for their almost entirely childproof rooms and the fact that the coffee table is the exact length of the distance between the bed and the dresser. We had a little Ava Corral that helped us all keep our sanity :)
We also had a little fun with giggling.
Surprisingly, this was after a Night Of No Sleep and a Day of No Naps. OMG we were exhausted, all of us. I think part of the laughter is just out of delirium.
Friday we went to Birch Aquarium at Scripps in La Jolla. Ava likes watching fish when they're on Discovery Channel, so we figured she'd really be into watching actual fish. She loved it! Even though it was crowded, we had a great time watching her watch everything else.
She got eaten by a shark...
And she giggled quite a bit more...
We have so much to be thankful for. It sounds kind of cliche', but Ava has made our lives amazing. Every day is an adventure that we are thrilled to share with our families and friends. We're SO excited for Christmas, and we're starting to plan a birthday party (shhhh..... don't tell her! It's a surprise!).
Such a fuss! They went all out, as they usually do, and we can't thank them enough for spending so much time with us throughout the week.
I'd also like to give up a shout-out to Hampton Inn for their almost entirely childproof rooms and the fact that the coffee table is the exact length of the distance between the bed and the dresser. We had a little Ava Corral that helped us all keep our sanity :)
We also had a little fun with giggling.
Surprisingly, this was after a Night Of No Sleep and a Day of No Naps. OMG we were exhausted, all of us. I think part of the laughter is just out of delirium.
Friday we went to Birch Aquarium at Scripps in La Jolla. Ava likes watching fish when they're on Discovery Channel, so we figured she'd really be into watching actual fish. She loved it! Even though it was crowded, we had a great time watching her watch everything else.
She got eaten by a shark...
And she giggled quite a bit more...
We have so much to be thankful for. It sounds kind of cliche', but Ava has made our lives amazing. Every day is an adventure that we are thrilled to share with our families and friends. We're SO excited for Christmas, and we're starting to plan a birthday party (shhhh..... don't tell her! It's a surprise!).
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Angels On Earth And Up Above
There are things about being a parent that nothing can prepare you for. I mean, in the months preceding Ava's birth, we were inundated with advice. And a lot of it was useful. Like how one of my besties recommended Aquaphor for diaper rash issues. Best advice ever. And how someone said to take pictures of us holding the baby, not just of the baby. Awesome.
Nobody warned me about how time would slip away as it does. Ava and I get home around 6:15 and before I know it it's midnight and time to go to bed and hope that she sleeps through the night (she still does most nights) so that Rob and I can get 6 good hours of sleep before we start all over again.
Nobody warned me about how her milestones would affect me. One day a couple of months ago, it's like she just woke up and became this little person. She's aware of us, of herself, of her hands, of her feet, of the dog, of the world. Last weekend we were at the cabin (yeah, I know, pics and video will be up at some point) and Grams reached for her and she gave this big smile and opened her arms so wide and was so happy to be picked up. It was the first time she had done this, and while she'll do it a thousand times or more in her life, this felt so important. She didn't passively get passed around. She wanted to be where she was going.
Nobody warned me about how my heart would break when learning about a child drowning (or being found IN A FREAKING DUMPSTER OMG WORST STORY EVER) on the news. I get this cold, tangibly sharp fear that just courses through me for a second like a knife when I think of anything happening to Ava or any of my friends' kids or just about any kid at all.
Nobody warned me about how I would feel when learning about a friend's miscarriage. Oh, this was a bad week for that. I'm part of an online community, and this week, two of the ladies who I've gotten to know (there are probably a hundred total) lost their babies. One was 20 weeks along and it's not the first time it has happened to her and hearing that awful news was almost more than I could bear. If you have a minute, say a prayer for Alma and sweet baby Brooke.
Must. Lighten. Up.
Nobody warned me about how hard it would be to pull out the little clothes that once seemed so big on our little girl that are now too small for her and put them in storage to make room for the next size up. Ava is now 17-1/2 pounds, and in the 6-9 month sizes. For such a little punkin, she's awfully big :). Switching out the clothes forces us to see just how much she's grown--she's gained 10 pounds! Such a big girl :).
Nobody warned me about what it would be like to see my father holding my daughter and pointing out the things that he thinks are important for her to see. It's so funny to see him shift into Gramps mode.
I'm realizing that we all waited such a long time for Ava to join us, like we were in a holding pattern until she got here. We were just killing time, and now we're scrambling to slow it down.
Nobody warned me about how time would slip away as it does. Ava and I get home around 6:15 and before I know it it's midnight and time to go to bed and hope that she sleeps through the night (she still does most nights) so that Rob and I can get 6 good hours of sleep before we start all over again.
Nobody warned me about how her milestones would affect me. One day a couple of months ago, it's like she just woke up and became this little person. She's aware of us, of herself, of her hands, of her feet, of the dog, of the world. Last weekend we were at the cabin (yeah, I know, pics and video will be up at some point) and Grams reached for her and she gave this big smile and opened her arms so wide and was so happy to be picked up. It was the first time she had done this, and while she'll do it a thousand times or more in her life, this felt so important. She didn't passively get passed around. She wanted to be where she was going.
Nobody warned me about how my heart would break when learning about a child drowning (or being found IN A FREAKING DUMPSTER OMG WORST STORY EVER) on the news. I get this cold, tangibly sharp fear that just courses through me for a second like a knife when I think of anything happening to Ava or any of my friends' kids or just about any kid at all.
Nobody warned me about how I would feel when learning about a friend's miscarriage. Oh, this was a bad week for that. I'm part of an online community, and this week, two of the ladies who I've gotten to know (there are probably a hundred total) lost their babies. One was 20 weeks along and it's not the first time it has happened to her and hearing that awful news was almost more than I could bear. If you have a minute, say a prayer for Alma and sweet baby Brooke.
Must. Lighten. Up.
Nobody warned me about how hard it would be to pull out the little clothes that once seemed so big on our little girl that are now too small for her and put them in storage to make room for the next size up. Ava is now 17-1/2 pounds, and in the 6-9 month sizes. For such a little punkin, she's awfully big :). Switching out the clothes forces us to see just how much she's grown--she's gained 10 pounds! Such a big girl :).
Nobody warned me about what it would be like to see my father holding my daughter and pointing out the things that he thinks are important for her to see. It's so funny to see him shift into Gramps mode.
I'm realizing that we all waited such a long time for Ava to join us, like we were in a holding pattern until she got here. We were just killing time, and now we're scrambling to slow it down.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Hit The Road, Jack!
So we went to San Diego last weekend. We left on Friday after work, and we'd had two nights of not-great sleep. I had some real anxiety about leaving town. I knew we'd be OK, but when we were almost to Barstow and the sun was going down, I felt completely out of my element. But the drive wasn't bad--Ava slept most of the way and we were going against traffic so it was pretty easy on all of us.
A video summary of the trip:
Saturday morning we went to Coronado and had lunch at the Del. It was a little rainy, but we did get to walk outside. They had an art exhibit on their courtyard--Dr. Seuss characters cast in bronze. Ava experienced her first Green Eggs and Ham :)
We went to the Padres game, and it was great until the Padres scored a couple of runs. We were sitting in the outfield bleachers, so when 40,000 people cheered, they were yelling directly at us.
We stayed until the top of the fourth. Ava had a good time until the screaming (she yelled right back at all those people...).
Sunday we had a great, relaxing day. We met one of my friends and her family for brunch at Wings & Things (YUM--beer & wings !) and then we went to Aunt Janice's for a Father's Day barbeque with Rob's family.
Monday, we had our Griswold moment. The San Diego County Fair is going on, and Rob really wanted to take us. I've never been to a big fair, but I know they have food so I'm a big fan of such things. We were pretty excited. So we plan our day around it, and we head towards the fairgrounds and there's no traffic. Cool! And we turn into the parking lot and it's nearly empty! Cool! We can park right up front!
And then we realize that maybe it's a little too empty. And then we see the sign:
They were closed. Sadly, there was no moose out front to tell us the news; we had to figure it out on our own. I thought it was pretty funny--Rob? Not so much.
So we went up the road to the beach, and I introduced Ava to the ocean.
She loved it. She likes to watch things that move (like the ceiling fan and the television) so this was a lot of fun!
It was a great trip! We have decided that we need to allow more time after we get back in order to recover--we drove back to town on Tuesday, and that was a really long day. We got home about 6:00 and we were all just exhausted. So there's our lesson.
Next weekend we're going up to Utah to see Grams & Gramps at the cabin. I spent a lot of time there when I was growing up, and while I didn't always love it up there (picture it: I'm 14 and all of my friends are having fun with each other all summer and I get to spend 3 month with no electricity and no phone and nobody to talk to except for my sister) I now see the value of having a place to go that's far enough away to be a vacation but close enough to be an easy run for a weekend.
A video summary of the trip:
Saturday morning we went to Coronado and had lunch at the Del. It was a little rainy, but we did get to walk outside. They had an art exhibit on their courtyard--Dr. Seuss characters cast in bronze. Ava experienced her first Green Eggs and Ham :)
We went to the Padres game, and it was great until the Padres scored a couple of runs. We were sitting in the outfield bleachers, so when 40,000 people cheered, they were yelling directly at us.
We stayed until the top of the fourth. Ava had a good time until the screaming (she yelled right back at all those people...).
Sunday we had a great, relaxing day. We met one of my friends and her family for brunch at Wings & Things (YUM--beer & wings !) and then we went to Aunt Janice's for a Father's Day barbeque with Rob's family.
Monday, we had our Griswold moment. The San Diego County Fair is going on, and Rob really wanted to take us. I've never been to a big fair, but I know they have food so I'm a big fan of such things. We were pretty excited. So we plan our day around it, and we head towards the fairgrounds and there's no traffic. Cool! And we turn into the parking lot and it's nearly empty! Cool! We can park right up front!
And then we realize that maybe it's a little too empty. And then we see the sign:
They were closed. Sadly, there was no moose out front to tell us the news; we had to figure it out on our own. I thought it was pretty funny--Rob? Not so much.
So we went up the road to the beach, and I introduced Ava to the ocean.
She loved it. She likes to watch things that move (like the ceiling fan and the television) so this was a lot of fun!
It was a great trip! We have decided that we need to allow more time after we get back in order to recover--we drove back to town on Tuesday, and that was a really long day. We got home about 6:00 and we were all just exhausted. So there's our lesson.
Next weekend we're going up to Utah to see Grams & Gramps at the cabin. I spent a lot of time there when I was growing up, and while I didn't always love it up there (picture it: I'm 14 and all of my friends are having fun with each other all summer and I get to spend 3 month with no electricity and no phone and nobody to talk to except for my sister) I now see the value of having a place to go that's far enough away to be a vacation but close enough to be an easy run for a weekend.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Swing Gets a Reprieve
Seriously, I was about to consign the damn thing. It's a perfectly good swing, but we don't have the space to just hang on to stuff that we aren't using. Ava has hated it almost without exception since the first time she was in it. So it lives in her closet and we have to climb around it to get to the stuff that lives behind it and it's a pain and I had just about had it. HAD IT.
This morning, however, it redeemed itself.
Ava had not yet had a nap this morning. On a normal day, she would have had 2 by now--one on the way to daycare, and one after her second bottle. But today? Nope. Usually when she's awake, she's happy. But today? Nope. It was kind of a long morning. In a moment of desperation, I pulled the swing out of the closet and put her in it, which she hates because it has a 5-point harness (I guess in case another swing gets up under her bumper and flips her over?) and so that was an extra burst of unhappiness. But then she got into it. She spent a good 30 minutes in the swing, much of it asleep, before she woke up, scored a fresh diaper and a bottle and then immediately went right back to sleep. She is currently sound asleep in her crib and all is right with the world.
The swing shall remain in our Repertoire of Desperate Acts In Times Of Shrieking, at least until she exceeds the weight limit.
Today is Rob's birthday. We're keeping it pretty low-key. We had a special dinner last night (Roberto's Taco Shop, featured frequently in the local Health Department weekly report of repeat offenders). We'll have family dinner and dessert today--Dad & Florence will come over, officially to celebrate the birthday but they're not fooling anybody and we all know that they really just want to see Ava all dressed up.
Next weekend is our first Big Road Trip. We're going to San Diego and I am SO EXCITED. I haven't been out of the city limits since freaking LABOR DAY and as fabulous as Fabulous Las Vegas is, I'm dying to leave it behind for a few days. We're driving down Friday after work and will be back on Tuesday. We're a little antsy about a 6 hour (with stops--anyone who knows me knows I could make it in 4 if it were just me...) road trip with a baby. I'm hoping it will be fantastic like when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii (without the freaky cursed tiki thing that caused Greg to lose the surfing contest) and not a comedy of errors like the Griswolds. We'll see. If we land somewhere between Bradys and Griswolds, I'll be happy. We've got a lot planned--Ava's going to meet Great Aunt Janice and Uncle Ken, and she'll go to her first baseball game (I hear it's free hat night, so everybody wins even if the Padres don't), and we'll go to the beach and I think there will be quite a bit of aimlessly futzing around San Diego with no plan at all. Awesome.
This morning, however, it redeemed itself.
Ava had not yet had a nap this morning. On a normal day, she would have had 2 by now--one on the way to daycare, and one after her second bottle. But today? Nope. Usually when she's awake, she's happy. But today? Nope. It was kind of a long morning. In a moment of desperation, I pulled the swing out of the closet and put her in it, which she hates because it has a 5-point harness (I guess in case another swing gets up under her bumper and flips her over?) and so that was an extra burst of unhappiness. But then she got into it. She spent a good 30 minutes in the swing, much of it asleep, before she woke up, scored a fresh diaper and a bottle and then immediately went right back to sleep. She is currently sound asleep in her crib and all is right with the world.
The swing shall remain in our Repertoire of Desperate Acts In Times Of Shrieking, at least until she exceeds the weight limit.
Today is Rob's birthday. We're keeping it pretty low-key. We had a special dinner last night (Roberto's Taco Shop, featured frequently in the local Health Department weekly report of repeat offenders). We'll have family dinner and dessert today--Dad & Florence will come over, officially to celebrate the birthday but they're not fooling anybody and we all know that they really just want to see Ava all dressed up.
Next weekend is our first Big Road Trip. We're going to San Diego and I am SO EXCITED. I haven't been out of the city limits since freaking LABOR DAY and as fabulous as Fabulous Las Vegas is, I'm dying to leave it behind for a few days. We're driving down Friday after work and will be back on Tuesday. We're a little antsy about a 6 hour (with stops--anyone who knows me knows I could make it in 4 if it were just me...) road trip with a baby. I'm hoping it will be fantastic like when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii (without the freaky cursed tiki thing that caused Greg to lose the surfing contest) and not a comedy of errors like the Griswolds. We'll see. If we land somewhere between Bradys and Griswolds, I'll be happy. We've got a lot planned--Ava's going to meet Great Aunt Janice and Uncle Ken, and she'll go to her first baseball game (I hear it's free hat night, so everybody wins even if the Padres don't), and we'll go to the beach and I think there will be quite a bit of aimlessly futzing around San Diego with no plan at all. Awesome.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Four Months Old
This was Ava's first picture, taken just over a year ago. My, how she's grown.
In spite of some really really long days and nights, we're always surprised to look at the calendar and realize that Ava's been with us for such a short time. Some quick stats, as of last week's well-check and vaccination extravaganza:
There's not a lot else going on. We're planning a trip to San Diego next month, and that will be our first family road trip. I'm estimating what four days worth of infant gear will look like, and what will be a good idea to pack (like the bouncy chair--yea or nay?) or overkill (play mat? boppy pillow?). I generally overpack as it is (for example, last year I went to NYC and Washington DC for just over a week for a conference and had an entire suitcase of just shoes...) so the car is likely to be loaded down pretty significantly. But we're looking forward to getting out of town--the last time I was away for more than an afternoon was Labor Day weekend. I'm needing a change of scenery, for sure.
This week is our anniversary. Three years, on Wednesday. We'll go out to dinner, and we'll have Ava with us. We generally keep it pretty low-key; usually just lunch at the golf course where we got married. We'll probably get up there in the next week or so. Last year on May 20, we had known I was pregnant for about 2 weeks, and I don't think we had told anybody yet (I may be wrong--it's kind of a blur). There was this undercurrent of excitement about the coming months. But really, we had no idea what we were in for. It's been amazing. And the next few months are going to fly by even more quickly than the last four have. We'll take as many pictures and videos as we can, because there is already stuff that she no longer does that I'm so glad we have a record of (like the nightly kicking before sleep no longer happens). It really does go so fast. We make a point of stopping and looking around because we don't want to miss it.
In spite of some really really long days and nights, we're always surprised to look at the calendar and realize that Ava's been with us for such a short time. Some quick stats, as of last week's well-check and vaccination extravaganza:- 23 inches long, from a debut size of 19-1/2 inches
- 14 pounds 13 ounces, up from 7 pounds 8 ounces
- Important milestones include sitting up with minimal assistance, smiling, reaching for stuff and then holding on to it, almost rolling over, the discovery of her feet and the subsequent kicking of everything within a surprisingly large radius
- Establishment and implementation of a regular eating/sleeping schedule, which includes sleeping most nights from, get this, 10:30 or 11:00 PM until AFTER SIX AM. I'll say that again: Ava sleeps nearly eight hours at a time, and she does it at night, almost every night.
There's not a lot else going on. We're planning a trip to San Diego next month, and that will be our first family road trip. I'm estimating what four days worth of infant gear will look like, and what will be a good idea to pack (like the bouncy chair--yea or nay?) or overkill (play mat? boppy pillow?). I generally overpack as it is (for example, last year I went to NYC and Washington DC for just over a week for a conference and had an entire suitcase of just shoes...) so the car is likely to be loaded down pretty significantly. But we're looking forward to getting out of town--the last time I was away for more than an afternoon was Labor Day weekend. I'm needing a change of scenery, for sure.
This week is our anniversary. Three years, on Wednesday. We'll go out to dinner, and we'll have Ava with us. We generally keep it pretty low-key; usually just lunch at the golf course where we got married. We'll probably get up there in the next week or so. Last year on May 20, we had known I was pregnant for about 2 weeks, and I don't think we had told anybody yet (I may be wrong--it's kind of a blur). There was this undercurrent of excitement about the coming months. But really, we had no idea what we were in for. It's been amazing. And the next few months are going to fly by even more quickly than the last four have. We'll take as many pictures and videos as we can, because there is already stuff that she no longer does that I'm so glad we have a record of (like the nightly kicking before sleep no longer happens). It really does go so fast. We make a point of stopping and looking around because we don't want to miss it.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
It's a day just for mothers. And that means me.
It's been a wonderful day. I'm blessed, and that's really all there is to it.
Ava's big gift to me was lots of sleep this weekend. Between her reasonable midnight-to-five sleep schedule, and Rob's willingness to take care of that first early bottle, I slept until almost 9 both days. Booyah.
And then this morning, I got up to open cards from one supercute daughter and one awesome husband. Evidently Ava also snuck out and procured a gorgeous azalea plant and a gift card to Dead Poet Books, a fantastic used/vintage bookstore that I drool over every time I drive past.
Here is evidence of her early morning subterfuge:
I'll teach her later about destroying all photographic evidence.
We went to breakfast at our neighborhood Jewish deli and it was really nice. I really like this place. As an added bonus in honor of the day, mothers received a free piece of breakfast cake. NOM NOM NOM DELICIOUS CAKE. That's one of the percs of being a grown-up: I can have cake for breakfast and ain't nobody gonna stop me.
I've decided that becoming a mom has been like joining a cult. In a good way, of course. But all of a sudden, the other cult members start conversations with me about Ava (how old is she, does she sleep, etc), about our family (is she our first, our last, our everything?), about my pregnancy (a week overdue? Goodness! I'm a trooper!) and stuff like that. I first noticed it at the pediatrician's office, when we were all sitting there with our infants discussing poop and breastmilk. It happens a lot. Today's cult meeting took place at breakfast, when the mom at the table next to us struck up a conversation involving her daughter (probably 2-1/2?) and how neat it is to have a first Mother's Day. And then our daughters met (well, hers met ours while ours slept peacefully...) and for just a few minutes, we were all part of the great Circle of Life.
After breakfast we visited Dad & Florence and had a lovely visit, dominated of course by Ava's babbly charm. Seriously, the kid chatters like a parrot and it's the sweetest sound I know. We've been getting the occasional giggle out of her as well, usually by taking advantage of her tickly belly. She freezes up when we turn on the video camera, but I'll get a shot of it eventually.
I'm so glad to be rediscovering holidays (even unofficial ones like Mother's Day, which, let's face it, was created and is promoted in order to sell greeting cards) that I've ignored for years. Rob and I have embarked upon this parenting thing with a clean slate--we're not going to carry over family drama and let any of it cast a shadow over Ava's future memories. As far as we're concerned, we're batting a thousand for joyous holidays.
We have a new feature over to the right --->. It's Ava's Playlist, which is going to be how I keep track of what we sing to her before she goes to sleep at night. Rob and I both know about a bajillion songs between the two of us, but we don't always remember the words at crunch time. So far, these are the ones that we knew off the top of our heads. We'll add more as time goes by.
Happy Mother's Day to my fellow cult-members, past, present and future.
Ava's big gift to me was lots of sleep this weekend. Between her reasonable midnight-to-five sleep schedule, and Rob's willingness to take care of that first early bottle, I slept until almost 9 both days. Booyah.
And then this morning, I got up to open cards from one supercute daughter and one awesome husband. Evidently Ava also snuck out and procured a gorgeous azalea plant and a gift card to Dead Poet Books, a fantastic used/vintage bookstore that I drool over every time I drive past.
Here is evidence of her early morning subterfuge:
I'll teach her later about destroying all photographic evidence.
We went to breakfast at our neighborhood Jewish deli and it was really nice. I really like this place. As an added bonus in honor of the day, mothers received a free piece of breakfast cake. NOM NOM NOM DELICIOUS CAKE. That's one of the percs of being a grown-up: I can have cake for breakfast and ain't nobody gonna stop me.
I've decided that becoming a mom has been like joining a cult. In a good way, of course. But all of a sudden, the other cult members start conversations with me about Ava (how old is she, does she sleep, etc), about our family (is she our first, our last, our everything?), about my pregnancy (a week overdue? Goodness! I'm a trooper!) and stuff like that. I first noticed it at the pediatrician's office, when we were all sitting there with our infants discussing poop and breastmilk. It happens a lot. Today's cult meeting took place at breakfast, when the mom at the table next to us struck up a conversation involving her daughter (probably 2-1/2?) and how neat it is to have a first Mother's Day. And then our daughters met (well, hers met ours while ours slept peacefully...) and for just a few minutes, we were all part of the great Circle of Life.
After breakfast we visited Dad & Florence and had a lovely visit, dominated of course by Ava's babbly charm. Seriously, the kid chatters like a parrot and it's the sweetest sound I know. We've been getting the occasional giggle out of her as well, usually by taking advantage of her tickly belly. She freezes up when we turn on the video camera, but I'll get a shot of it eventually.
I'm so glad to be rediscovering holidays (even unofficial ones like Mother's Day, which, let's face it, was created and is promoted in order to sell greeting cards) that I've ignored for years. Rob and I have embarked upon this parenting thing with a clean slate--we're not going to carry over family drama and let any of it cast a shadow over Ava's future memories. As far as we're concerned, we're batting a thousand for joyous holidays.
We have a new feature over to the right --->. It's Ava's Playlist, which is going to be how I keep track of what we sing to her before she goes to sleep at night. Rob and I both know about a bajillion songs between the two of us, but we don't always remember the words at crunch time. So far, these are the ones that we knew off the top of our heads. We'll add more as time goes by.
Happy Mother's Day to my fellow cult-members, past, present and future.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Back to Life, Back to Reality
I go back to work tomorrow.
The last three months have been amazing, full of moments that I never could have anticipated. We feel so lucky that I was able to take so much time off. When we sat down last summer and figured out how much time I'd be taking, three months seem like a huge amount of time. But it has flown by. I'd heard of the Baby Time Warp, when you glance up at the clock and it's 2:30 AM and then you look again a moment later and it's after 5. Actually experiencing it was overwhelming. After the three weeks we spent waiting for her to get here after I stopped working, time just seemed a blur. We look at pictures from those first few days when we just hoped to get to the next feeding and the next nap and we're amazed by how much she has changed already. The advice we received from the nurse as we checked out of the hospital was invaluable: newborns cry for three reasons only--pain, dirty diaper, and hunger. Rule them out in order, and you'll be fine. She was right.
Ava's outgrown that advice. She's less id (for you Freudians) and is more aware of what she likes and dislikes. She doesn't hesitate to tell us when she's not happy, either. Right now, when she won't calm down, it generally means that she wants to be held, and then we have to guess if she wants to be up in the traditional burping position, or down like when she's being fed. A wrong guess has disastrous results!
Her 2-month (OMG TWO MONTHS!) check up was on the 11th. She weighed 11 pounds 5 ounces and was almost 21 inches long, both of which are "excellent" according to the wise doctor. She's getting those supercute chubby wrinkly thighs that you just want to take a bite out of. She has found her hands, and she'll suck on them if we don't get to her quickly enough with a binky. She loves to watch things that are above her and move--mobiles, the dog, us, ceiling fans. Ceiling fans are the best inventions ever. I'm going to tie some scarves to ours to give her some color to watch. The best thing she does, however, are the big gummy open-mouth smiles that she gives when we smile at her. Really, nothing prepares you for that cuteness.
So about a month ago I realized I was looking forward to being back at work. And I still am, for the most part. I went shopping today and got some clothes because none of my pre-pregnancy stuff fits and I refuse to wear maternity clothes! They fit and are super comfortable, but they really do look terrible on you when you're not pregnant. So I'm going out into the world a couple of sizes larger but no worse for the wear.
I think the worst part of tomorrow, the part that I'm dreading, the part that is making me tear up even as I type, will be leaving her at the daycare. Oh good lord. Be right back...
OK OK OK I'm fine. Really. We did a trial run at the daycare on Friday. Rob took the day off and we dropped Ava off at about 10 and took care of some business and had a leisurely brunch and it was fine. We also played Megabucks just in case, but didn't win so we're still on track for this work/daycare thing. She was there for about 4 hours. We all survived. The infant room has 8 babies for 3 fulltime teachers. They're all very nice (the teachers, not the babies. Not that the babies aren't nice, but we weren't really focused on them...) and it's obvious that they love what they do. The babies (who are probably really nice in their own ways...) have their own cribs with pictures of their families (oh shoot I need to get some pictures of us...) on the rails. My office is 5 minutes away, and I'll probably visit on my lunch most days. And it will be fine. She will be fine. We will be fine.
Be right back...
I'm OK as long as nobody asks if I'm OK, because they get this look in their eyes when they ask like they're expecting me to break down into tears, which I inevitably do as soon as they're not looking. So for Christ's sake don't ask if I'm OK. Just know that I am. And I know that Rob is too, even though walking out of the daycare while she cried for her regularly scheduled bottle about killed us both.
Be right back...
I blame the hormones.
The last three months have been amazing, full of moments that I never could have anticipated. We feel so lucky that I was able to take so much time off. When we sat down last summer and figured out how much time I'd be taking, three months seem like a huge amount of time. But it has flown by. I'd heard of the Baby Time Warp, when you glance up at the clock and it's 2:30 AM and then you look again a moment later and it's after 5. Actually experiencing it was overwhelming. After the three weeks we spent waiting for her to get here after I stopped working, time just seemed a blur. We look at pictures from those first few days when we just hoped to get to the next feeding and the next nap and we're amazed by how much she has changed already. The advice we received from the nurse as we checked out of the hospital was invaluable: newborns cry for three reasons only--pain, dirty diaper, and hunger. Rule them out in order, and you'll be fine. She was right.
Ava's outgrown that advice. She's less id (for you Freudians) and is more aware of what she likes and dislikes. She doesn't hesitate to tell us when she's not happy, either. Right now, when she won't calm down, it generally means that she wants to be held, and then we have to guess if she wants to be up in the traditional burping position, or down like when she's being fed. A wrong guess has disastrous results!
Her 2-month (OMG TWO MONTHS!) check up was on the 11th. She weighed 11 pounds 5 ounces and was almost 21 inches long, both of which are "excellent" according to the wise doctor. She's getting those supercute chubby wrinkly thighs that you just want to take a bite out of. She has found her hands, and she'll suck on them if we don't get to her quickly enough with a binky. She loves to watch things that are above her and move--mobiles, the dog, us, ceiling fans. Ceiling fans are the best inventions ever. I'm going to tie some scarves to ours to give her some color to watch. The best thing she does, however, are the big gummy open-mouth smiles that she gives when we smile at her. Really, nothing prepares you for that cuteness.
So about a month ago I realized I was looking forward to being back at work. And I still am, for the most part. I went shopping today and got some clothes because none of my pre-pregnancy stuff fits and I refuse to wear maternity clothes! They fit and are super comfortable, but they really do look terrible on you when you're not pregnant. So I'm going out into the world a couple of sizes larger but no worse for the wear.
I think the worst part of tomorrow, the part that I'm dreading, the part that is making me tear up even as I type, will be leaving her at the daycare. Oh good lord. Be right back...
OK OK OK I'm fine. Really. We did a trial run at the daycare on Friday. Rob took the day off and we dropped Ava off at about 10 and took care of some business and had a leisurely brunch and it was fine. We also played Megabucks just in case, but didn't win so we're still on track for this work/daycare thing. She was there for about 4 hours. We all survived. The infant room has 8 babies for 3 fulltime teachers. They're all very nice (the teachers, not the babies. Not that the babies aren't nice, but we weren't really focused on them...) and it's obvious that they love what they do. The babies (who are probably really nice in their own ways...) have their own cribs with pictures of their families (oh shoot I need to get some pictures of us...) on the rails. My office is 5 minutes away, and I'll probably visit on my lunch most days. And it will be fine. She will be fine. We will be fine.
Be right back...
I'm OK as long as nobody asks if I'm OK, because they get this look in their eyes when they ask like they're expecting me to break down into tears, which I inevitably do as soon as they're not looking. So for Christ's sake don't ask if I'm OK. Just know that I am. And I know that Rob is too, even though walking out of the daycare while she cried for her regularly scheduled bottle about killed us both.
Be right back...
I blame the hormones.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Generations
This is our family Bible.
And it has been in our family for four generations, beginning with my great-grandmother, and it has been passed down through the daughters. I've had it for about 10 years, and one day a few years back I opened it for the first time ever. It's kind of fragile--the front cover is no longer actually attached--so it's always been a "look but don't touch" relic. But I'm a grown-up, and so I figured nobody was going to ground me for opening it. Inside, I found a family history. My great-grandmother started it:
"This Bible was given to Lura, daughter of Abigail, daughter of Philura. At the death of Philura, who is Lura's grandmother, this book will belong to Emily, Lura's daughter."
And then, in my grandmother's writing:
"Emily's daughter Carolyn will receive it at Emily's death."
We actually received it years before Emily died, and it was on the same plant-stand it sits on now in the house in which I grew up for as long as I can remember.
On subsequent pages, my great-grandmother (the aforementioned Lura) wrote down the dates of births, deaths, and marriages of her family, and again, the daughters wrote their own updates and additions. And when I married Rob, I added us to the long list. Today, on the page for births, I wrote in Ava's name and birth date. Someday, this big beautiful book will be hers. She is its fifth generation.
There are probably half a dozen pressed flowers in this Bible. I don't know most of their origins; whomever placed them inside didn't leave a note. I imagine many of the flowers are from weddings or christenings. One is from my mom's funeral; another is from my own wedding. These are all part of our story, and someday Ava will add her own.
And it has been in our family for four generations, beginning with my great-grandmother, and it has been passed down through the daughters. I've had it for about 10 years, and one day a few years back I opened it for the first time ever. It's kind of fragile--the front cover is no longer actually attached--so it's always been a "look but don't touch" relic. But I'm a grown-up, and so I figured nobody was going to ground me for opening it. Inside, I found a family history. My great-grandmother started it:
"This Bible was given to Lura, daughter of Abigail, daughter of Philura. At the death of Philura, who is Lura's grandmother, this book will belong to Emily, Lura's daughter."
And then, in my grandmother's writing:
"Emily's daughter Carolyn will receive it at Emily's death."
We actually received it years before Emily died, and it was on the same plant-stand it sits on now in the house in which I grew up for as long as I can remember.
On subsequent pages, my great-grandmother (the aforementioned Lura) wrote down the dates of births, deaths, and marriages of her family, and again, the daughters wrote their own updates and additions. And when I married Rob, I added us to the long list. Today, on the page for births, I wrote in Ava's name and birth date. Someday, this big beautiful book will be hers. She is its fifth generation.
There are probably half a dozen pressed flowers in this Bible. I don't know most of their origins; whomever placed them inside didn't leave a note. I imagine many of the flowers are from weddings or christenings. One is from my mom's funeral; another is from my own wedding. These are all part of our story, and someday Ava will add her own.
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