We Do The Best We Can With What We Have

I have time to blog at work (shhhhhh don't tell my boss) but I have pictures and video at home. I've been trying to somehow coordinate the two, but it's just not happening. I'll get pictures up later this week. Or next week, because it's already Thursday. Crap. I'm almost out of week.

I honestly thought I knew what it was to be busy. I had no idea. There's no way to predict just how much stuff would need to be crammed into a 24-hour period. My going back to work has really caused us to take a hard look at what is actually important--what really truly honestly needs to happen. The initial guilt of putting a Very Small Baby into full-time daycare was soon overshadowed by an overwhelming need to re-evaluate everything I do in the time spent away from her. One day, as I was looking at the picture I have of her on my desk, I just felt so sad. I didn't feel like what I was doing (probably playing Bejeweled on Facebook or reading Perez Hilton) was worthy of filling the time. I missed her so much, and in order make the time away from her count, I realized that I better damn well do my job the best way I know how.

It was like a lightning bolt. Because the reality of our situation is that we both work. Being sad about having to work and pissing away the time does not change that. Ava is not in daycare so as to allow me to watch the TV shows that I miss because I need to get some sleep.

My job is not my dream job--I'm not actually sure what my dream job would be. But I do like what I do. It's interesting. I meet so many fascinating people and I learn about different cultures and places. There is a lot of bureaucratic BS to cull through, but I like the part of my job that requires me to figure stuff out and break it down in a way that people who don't speak much English can figure out. Before, I came to work, I did my job, and went home and got on with my life.

It's different now. I'm on committees (well, one committee, but I've only been back a month; there are more committees forthcoming, I'm sure). I return phone calls (ugh, I hate voicemail) promptly. I take a more active role in the daily operations of my office and I actually contributed to the birthday fund instead of quietly avoiding the collection requests and tactfully refusing cake (most of the time...). I don't know if anybody has noticed, but I feel better for doing it. It makes the time spent away from that precious girl go faster, and I feel better about why I'm not with her all day every day.

It's after 5 now. I'm off to go pick her up and get a big squirmy gummy-grinned hug before we embark on the schlep home. Incidentally, the schlep home is less of an ordeal because of a carpool lane with a 2-person requirement--and a baby in a carseat? Totally counts as a second person.

And now, a musical interlude...

No Ava no cry
No Ava no cry

I say I remember when we used to sleep
Every time the sun went down
Sometimes we’d stay up and watch some Jon Stewart
And sometimes we’d read magazines
Good sleep we have oh good sleep we have had
Along the way
Say in this great future called life, we want for you to sleep
So dry your tears, I say

No Ava no cry
No Ava no cry
Here little baby, don’t shed no tears (clap clap)
No Ava no cry

I say I remember sleeping very late
And feeling very rested
And then we’d go to brunch because we were too late for breakfast
And sometimes see a movie
Now we’re up so late, driving you around
Streetlights burning through the night
Then we mix one more bottle and some Gripe Water, well I mean it
Of which will help you sleep, yeah!
Our feet is your only carriage
And so we’ve got to push on through
But while we’re up

Everything’s gonna be all right
Everything’s gonna be all right
Everything’s gonna be all right
Everything’s gonna be all right

No Ava no cry
No Ava no cry
Here, little sister, don’t shed no tears (clap clap)
No Ava no cry

Happy Easter!

And 10 minutes later...

Ava 1, RSV 0

Ava is a Tough Little Panda.

We saw Very Wise Doctor this morning, and got good news! Ava is cleared to go back to Daycare! VWD said that the fact that she tested positive for what can be a pretty serious condition but didn't ever really get sick is quite unusual. It never hit her lungs or affected her breathing, she never got a fever. She most likely would have been OK at Daycare this week (only after they douse the whole place in Purell, of course...).

She's with Gramps & Grams today. Daycare can wait one more day.

There Is A Level Of Hell Called "Logistics"

I’ve noticed that everything we do now has many steps. A simple trip to Target has become a Big Deal that must happen at a certain time (between feedings), with the proper equipment (stroller? just the carrier? list of items sorted by store geography?) and in the proper chronology (before groceries? after library? on my way home or on Rob’s). As someone who is generally aware of details even on a bad day, sometimes I just get worn out by the logistics.

A new variable is “who do we need to tell”? We like to keep people in the Loop (hence the blog) but Ava has created a significant level of interest in our doings. Our Loop has gotten large. Active players in our current Ava Is Too Sick For Daycare Loop (more on that in a minute) include both of our employers, the lead teacher at Daycare, Very Wise Doctor, Dad & Florence, a network of concerned aunties who are generous with both help and wisdom, and my assistant. Coordinating all of these players has given me wrinkly lines between my eyebrows, let me tell you.

Yes, Ava is sick. Booooo. She has what has been confirmed to be a mild case of RSV. Don’t panic. Really. While RSV can be something scary and awful involving hospitalization, Ava’s is manifesting itself much like a medium-strength cold. No temperature or wheezing, some coughing and congestion. Her appetite is good, wet and poopy diapers are coming at us steadily (such things are very important, much like the wetness/dryness of a dog’s nose to determine illness. Who knew?). She’s a bit crabby (sore throat maybe?) but that could just be because she’s my kid and crabby is a dominant gene. Whatever. Most of the time she’s squirmy and smiley and isn’t slowed down by being sick.

I took her to see Very Wise Doctor on Friday, and he tested her for RSV because he heard the cough and had a hunch. She was at Daycare yesterday (yikes, sorry to inflict Typhoid Ava on 4 other unsuspecting babies…) but is out for the rest of the week. Rob is home with her today. She’s back at VWD tomorrow morning, and unless she’s cleared to go back to Daycare, she’ll be crashing with Gramps & Grams for the rest of the week. I called Daycare to let them know. That was a fun conversation:

Me (out loud): Hi, this is Ava’s mom. She won’t be in this week, as we’ve confirmed that she has RSV.
Me (in my head): Listen you people she has been at your facility for TWO WEEKS and she has freaking RSV?! What the hell are you people doing over there? Do I get a refund for this week or is that part of the screw-you fee I get to pay for not being a stay-at-home-mom?
Lead Teacher (out loud): Oh no! Thank you so much for telling us! We hope she’s OK!
Lead Teacher (in her head): Holy crap I hope this lady doesn’t think she caught it here even though her kid’s been here only two weeks oh jeez she caught it here.
Me (out loud): What do we need to do to clear her to come back?
Me (in my head): Crap I hope she didn’t pass it along.
LT (out loud): A note from her doctor is all we need. Poor baby!
LT (in her head): Crap I hope she doesn’t call the licensing board because this stuff happens whenever you get babies in a room together. At least she called and told us though. Best. Mom. Ever! (I’m paraphrasing here)

Yeah. So she’s fine. Ava will get some quality time with my dad, which I’ll help her recover from when she’s older (KIDDING, DAD!). Seriously, we’re so lucky that they are willing, able, and available to take care of her for a few days while she gets better. And, from what I understand, she’ll most likely be back to normal within a week. We’ll keep you posted.