I have time to blog at work (shhhhhh don't tell my boss) but I have pictures and video at home. I've been trying to somehow coordinate the two, but it's just not happening. I'll get pictures up later this week. Or next week, because it's already Thursday. Crap. I'm almost out of week.
I honestly thought I knew what it was to be busy. I had no idea. There's no way to predict just how much stuff would need to be crammed into a 24-hour period. My going back to work has really caused us to take a hard look at what is actually important--what really truly honestly needs to happen. The initial guilt of putting a Very Small Baby into full-time daycare was soon overshadowed by an overwhelming need to re-evaluate everything I do in the time spent away from her. One day, as I was looking at the picture I have of her on my desk, I just felt so sad. I didn't feel like what I was doing (probably playing Bejeweled on Facebook or reading Perez Hilton) was worthy of filling the time. I missed her so much, and in order make the time away from her count, I realized that I better damn well do my job the best way I know how.
It was like a lightning bolt. Because the reality of our situation is that we both work. Being sad about having to work and pissing away the time does not change that. Ava is not in daycare so as to allow me to watch the TV shows that I miss because I need to get some sleep.
My job is not my dream job--I'm not actually sure what my dream job would be. But I do like what I do. It's interesting. I meet so many fascinating people and I learn about different cultures and places. There is a lot of bureaucratic BS to cull through, but I like the part of my job that requires me to figure stuff out and break it down in a way that people who don't speak much English can figure out. Before, I came to work, I did my job, and went home and got on with my life.
It's different now. I'm on committees (well, one committee, but I've only been back a month; there are more committees forthcoming, I'm sure). I return phone calls (ugh, I hate voicemail) promptly. I take a more active role in the daily operations of my office and I actually contributed to the birthday fund instead of quietly avoiding the collection requests and tactfully refusing cake (most of the time...). I don't know if anybody has noticed, but I feel better for doing it. It makes the time spent away from that precious girl go faster, and I feel better about why I'm not with her all day every day.
It's after 5 now. I'm off to go pick her up and get a big squirmy gummy-grinned hug before we embark on the schlep home. Incidentally, the schlep home is less of an ordeal because of a carpool lane with a 2-person requirement--and a baby in a carseat? Totally counts as a second person.
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