Insert Clever Title Here

Seriously, I can't think of anything interesting to call this post. Here are some pictures.


Hey look her eyes are open! She's in her bouncy chair, where she loves to be when she's awake and happy (don't try to put her there when she's not already happy...). And yes, I know the year is wrong on the camera. I'll fix it. Someday.

We're plugging along. Did some Official Business today, and now Miss Ava has insurance coverage and has some daycare set up for March. Errands are a bit easier now that I have a better idea of how to deploy. It's best to leave after her last bottle of the morning when she's about to start her afternoon naps. Everything else goes in the car before she does. She falls asleep by the time we're out of the driveway, and generally stays asleep until she is taken out of the car. Awesome. She sleeps through music, conversation, and even the mild road rage that I can't quite get over (it's better than it was--no gestures, less profanity).

She's been a little congested this week--evidently this is pretty normal for infants. We're on a Saline Drops and Blue Sucky Thing regimen, with a side of Cool Mist Humidifier for good measure. Yesterday was rough; she was pretty snorty and unhappy about it (no bouncy chair for most of the day...). Today is much better. I fear that she may have inherited my faulty sinuses, and that will certainly be no picnic for any of us. Ugh.

I've gotten a lot of email about the whole Breastfeeding Thing. One of my friends sent me a link to a great blog that really hit home. There's so much emphasis on how breastfeeding is the ideal and formula is a distant second choice at best. I think the lactation hippie meant well and really did give me a lot of help, and I'm going back to her for a follow-up on Friday. She emphasized (read: pushed) nursing over pumping, and now that I know what to expect I think I'll be able to better steer the discussion toward "Feeding The Baby" rather than "Nursing = Superior Bonding". She means well, but there just aren't enough hours in my day to implement all of her methods. Hell, I can't even find a minute to change the date on my goddamn camera and she suggests a three-step process for Every. Single. Feeding? RIGHT? Whatever. I will pick up another bottle of voodoo supplements--I can't dispute the fact that they have helped out with the milk supply.

And so that, hopefully, is the end of the What Do We Feed Her saga.

I blame the lactation hippie.

It's hard not to be the crazy mom. There's so much that we just don't know about what is and is not normal. Any snake oil salesman can come along and tell me that Ava is missing out on XYZ and we need to buy/sell/do ABC in order to make sure she's OK and I will bite.

Case in point: Wednesday, I met with a lactation consultant to get some pointers about nursing and such. Ms Tie-Dyed In the Wool Earthy Chunky Organic Granola immediately sets forth assessing what we're dealing with (namely, The Girls, if ya get my drift) and how we can help Ava have more milk and less formula. Before I can even say "age of Aquarius", I'm buying a new nursing pillow ("My Brest Friend"), a ten-day supply of herbal supplements to help increase my milk supply, and am on the phone with the pediatrician's office to schedule an immediate appointment to take care of Ava's tied tongue, which is a HUGE impediment to her successful latching-on and will result in her NEVER BEING ABLE TO BREASTFEED OMG WE NEED TO FIX THIS STAT. As luck would have it, we can get in at 4:30 that same day! Hooray! Never let it be said that my baby girl suffered for my lack of action.

OK, so I drag our tired butts to the doctor's office, which, fortunately, is super close to home. Two hours later, we return home with the knowledge that yes, she has a bit of a connection betwixt her tongue and the bottom of her mouth, but, in the words of our Very Wise Doctor, "if she can latch on to a bottle, she can latch on to a breast." Furthermore, in 25 years of pediatric practice, he has never corrected such a thing, nor even seen one that he thought was worthy of referring out to a specialist for correction. He then patted us both on the heads, gave me a lolly, and sent us on our way. And when we got outside it was raining, which was the cherry on the cake of that crazy stupid day. Poor Rob. He was waiting for us when we got home, and he pulled my exhaustedly sobbing self out of the car, somehow got Ava into the house, put us both in comfy pajamas and declared Wednesday over.

I didn't intend to go insane and be That Mom. Really. At no time did I insist that My Child Needs Immediate Attention. It just worked out that way. Thank God we found a doctor who takes things like this in stride and is able to keep a straight face and reassure me that, really, there's nothing wrong with our kid and we can relax about her nursing. She's fine.

Good lord. This post-partum hormonal thing sneaks up on you. I mean, I knew that stuff would get to me in new and exciting ways but I had no idea how quickly I would go from "I'm fine, we're cool" to "OMG WHY IS THE WORLD SO AWFUL?!" So now we have some rules about how my errands are managed; namely, no same-day add-ons. If something new comes up, it can wait until tomorrow or next week or whenever.

This morning I took Ava to the lab for some bloodwork--just a follow-up for the PKU that they performed last week in the hospital. Routine stuff, kind of unpleasant as they do what is called a "heel stick" and it's probably 30 seconds of aggravation for babies and two days of anxiety for moms (even moms who are working very hard not to be high maintenance). Again, she's fine, resting comfortably, and I celebrated the completion of the blood draw with a diet Coke and a fancy cupcake.

I was talking to my friend Tina today about this hormonal thing that's happening. I feel good and I don't feel overwhelmed (read: this is something I'm pretty sure I can handle). But the second anyone asks "So, how are you doing?" I get a bit teary and pherklempt and I have to take a second to get on top of it. Tina recalled feeling the same way--super tired, but generally OK until someone asks if you're OK and when you start to think about just how much Everything has changed you feel overcome by how amazing and different and hard and wonderful it all is and how it all changed in one exhilarating minute (must stop, getting weepy...).

Rob's back at work and that's been an adjustment for everyone. His first day back was Wednesday, and that made for a long Tuesday night and a tough Wednesday morning (even before the hippie). We had a better night last night, as Ava decided that sleeping after each bottle would be acceptable to her. That made a huge difference, as when she sleeps, everybody gets to sleep. I'll still take a nap in a little while, but it doesn't feel like such a necessity today ; rather, it's kind of the way my naps used to be back B.A. (Before Ava) when I was just lazy instead of justifiably tired ;).

Oh, and the herbal supplements that Sunshine Von Acid Trip recommended seem to have helped with the milk supply. Go figure.

One Week of Ava

Whoa, that went fast. First, a picture from this afternoon:


We have a lot of pictures that look like this. When she's wrapped up like a little burrito and asleep in her crib next to a rolled-up blanket so she doesn't roll over, this is when we have a chance to get a camera in hand. We have one shot of her with her eyes open...


Yeah. Kind of hard to tell, but they're dark dark bluish-gray. And how about that proud papa?

We're doing all right, I think. She sleeps in 3-4 hour stretches, and the longer naps tend to happen during the day. She's a bit of a night owl. We'll work on that when she's a little older. For now, we're at her beck and wail and it's not so bad. She's on formula for the most part, with 2-3 bottles of breast milk a day. I'm going to meet with a lactation specialist this week to see if we can't get some help increasing that--I'd like her to have more milk than formula.

We have awesome friends. They are bringing us dinners this week, and the first one just arrived. Katie and Bob and their kids just stopped in with what looks to be some tasty chicken and salad and a bottle of wine. I've missed wine!

Ava saw her pediatrician on Friday. He was recommended to us by some other super cool friends (Tina and Jay) and we really like him. He answered our questions (most of his answers were, "yes, that's normal") and told us what to look for as far as common issues that arise with newborns. Ava was down a few ounces ("yes, that's normal.") and was given a clean bill of health. We go back to him in a month.

That's about it. Rob has one more day at home and then it's back to the grind for him. We're not really looking forward to that--it's been so great to have this week together. We've divvied up how we'll handle night feedings (anything after we both go to sleep is mine; anything after 5AM counts as his alarm clock). We'll see how that goes. That's been the theme for this week--we'll try something and see how it goes. So far, we've been right more often than not.

Hi. We're parents now.

We are having the time of our lives.

Rob and I look at each other and look at her and wonder how we ended up with such an amazing and perfect little girl. She's a riot. She's little--so little that we're thinking that she wasn't really late, she just took longer to get to just the right size.

I went into labor on Sunday night, about 11:00 and we got to the hospital at about 2. The rest is a blur. Except for the last part, where it was time to push. That part is pretty clear, even though it happened so quickly. There was a brief discussion about a possible need for a C-section after all, because my doctor could see the umbilical cord near Ava's head and thought that it was wrapped around her neck. She asked me if I thought I could push her out quickly and I said I could. Actually, I think I may have screamed it. Whatever. So I pushed and out she came. Rob was amazing. I'll say that again. Rob. Was. Amazing. He held my hand when the pain blocked everything out, rubbed my back when it stopped, and watched in wonder as his daughter came into the world. He's home with us until Wednesday and it's not a matter of him being here to help out--we're learning how to do this as a team. Even when neither of us knows what to do, at least we're lost together.

Since Monday, we've figured out some rules that seem to be important to remember. This is a list that will inevitably grow over time. I'll do bulletpoints.

• There is a period of time after a good feeding that we call Happy Baby Food Bliss Coma. Happy Baby Food Bliss Coma is fleeting and is not to be trifled with. When Ava enters this state, her eyes are open about halfway and she gets a big lazy grin and she goes all relaxed. Never ever ever interrupt Happy Baby Food Bliss Coma. Do not try to take a picture of Happy Baby Food Bliss Coma. Do not change a diaper, do not swaddle, do not make any sudden movements. Burp her and let her ride the wave.
  
• Any time she sleeps is precious. Take advantage of it. Shower, make a phone call, try to find where you put your purse, get some sleep.
  
• If she's not wet or in obvious pain, she's crying because she's hungry. That's it. Feed her. And it doesn't matter if she gets fed by nursing or by formula. Just feed her. Right now, food is love.
  
• Always always always have a burp cloth and the blue sucky thing handy.

We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow, and we've made a list of questions that probably all show up on some list of New Parent FAQs and that's OK. We're quite proud to have survived the first three days as well as we have.

Here is her first picture from about a minute after she was born. Rob took it. Awww....


And here's about half an hour ago...


Seriously. All we can do is just stare at her.

Meet Ava Carolyn

January 12, 2009
1:38 PM
7 pounds, 8 ounces
19 1/2 inches long

We don't have a baby, but at least we have a plan.

It's frustrating, but I think we made the right choice. I had a very frank discussion with my OB, and then with Rob, about where we are. At 40 weeks 2 days, I'm not dilated. There is good news, in that the contractions on Saturday/Sunday did bring about some positive changes (I'll leave the details out...). However, if we were to decide to proceed with an induction at this point, there's about an 80% chance that I'd have at least 24 hours of labor that would result in a C-section. I've been hoping to avoid a C-section, just because there has been no reason thus far to go in that direction. The baby is healthy, there's plenty of amniotic fluid, my blood pressure is very good, and neither of us is in any particular distress. I'm not going to lie; I'm hurting and there really is no time when I'm comfortable. I'm exhausted and I have no energy because I don't eat or sleep enough. But that's not distress--that's just late pregnancy.

The plan is to give it another week (OH MY GOD ANOTHER WEEK WHAT THE HELL?!) to give nature a chance to take its course. I'm back at the perinatalogist on Friday, and again on Monday for fetal assessment (check fluid and heartbeat, rotate the tires, etc.) and then to the OB on Wednesday for one last look. At that point, we are going to go to the hospital, either for an induction with a better chance of natural delivery, or for a C-section with the knowledge that we gave this as much time as we safely could. Dr Jameson will not let me go past 41 weeks, because that's far enough past the due date for new and horrible complications to arise.

This was a tough choice. I do love Dr Jameson, because she gave the information and likely outcomes and made sure that we had the knowledge we needed to make our decision. And then once we made the decision, she proceeded without judgment. We could have decided that my discomfort was enough of a factor to change our minds about the C-section and we'd have our daughter in our arms by Saturday night after a labor that probably would be very hard on me. Tempting. Very tempting. But the whole point of this is to have a baby who is healthy, not a delivery that is convenient, and with that in mind, we're willing to give this a bit more time. Not an infinite amount of time, but another week feels like the best path for us.

Ideally, I will go into labor naturally sometime before Wednesday. It could happen. Rob is predicting that my water will break on Sunday afternoon, about 3:30--right before the Chargers game (Christ, we're still talking about football?!)--and we'd be OK with that as well. We could also still end up with a C-section. We'll deal with whatever outcome we get, because in the end, we still get to come home with our girl :).

It's going to be a long week, though.

Well that was sort of anticlimatic.

From the moment that the pregnancy test came up positive and I put my info into the due date calendar on babyfit.com, we have been staring at January 5, 2009, on the calendar. This has become one of those red letter days, against which every other date is compared. In our minds, January 5, 2009, was an important day.

It is now 5:39 on January 5, 2009, and the high point of today was my trip to Walmart.

We thought that the excitement was starting on Saturday night about midnight. I had regular contractions, and they continued through mid-afternoon on Sunday. We were stoked! And then, they just stopped. We were less stoked after that. And so now, we don't have a date that we're shooting for. There's no longer a deadline for having everything done. The clock really isn't ticking anymore. We're just.... waiting.

It's liberating, actually. The frenzied preparation of the past months is over. We've been able to slow down and look around at the things that we can do now that we may not be able to get to after she's born. Rob winterized the yard last week--not a huge project, but necessary and unlikely to be a priority with a new baby in the house. I've gotten some stuff around the house out of the way--things are clean that haven't been for a while. It's not the stereotypical pre-natal nesting instinct; we just finally had the time and the inclination to get some stuff done.

We've also had a great chance to relax with each other for longer than we'd anticipated. We're both sleeping better. We talk about what sort of parents we hope to be, beyond the previous "our kid will never do xyz" conversations. So while we're both excited for what is inevitably going to happen at some point in the next few days, we're not anxious about it.

So while I'm still going to have the conversation with my OB about maybe helping things along, it won't be because of a circled date on a calendar. She's not a library book that has a stamp in the inside cover (do they still do that?). Tomorrow's big highlight is lunch with the girls and maybe a trip to Home Depot for some weather stripping for the patio doors. Anything else that happens will be a bonus.

We know you're out there; we can hear you breathing.

According to my handy dandy tracking software, we've had about 60 unique hits on our little blog in the last two days. The downside of this is it doesn't tell us who is checking on us. If you're passing through and looking for updates, leave a comment so we know who you are!

No baby yet. We'll keep you posted. If nothing has happened by the time I see my OB on Wednesday, I think she and I are going to have a Come To Jesus talk about how we are ready to meet our daughter. I'm just exhausted. It's time.