Yesterday was my shower. I don't consider myself as someone who is into stuff like that. Other people's showers have always been fun, but not generally something that I've really gotten into. Being on the other side of it, in the midst of all of our preparations and the Big Discussions that are happening right now about what's going on and how we'll proceed have put the concept of Baby Shower into a whole new light.
There is nothing as optimistic, as hopeful, as wistful, as sympathetic as a baby shower. Women (not men--more on that in a minute) at all stages of life get together to give not only gifts, but advice and support based on their experiences. They tell stories that have no other suitable audience than other shower guests. The stories are intimate, funny, terrifying, and they create bonds between women who may have not much else in common. You learn things about your friends and their relationships that may not otherwise be revealed in any other situation. Heirlooms are passed along--either cherished family items that you have seen in pictures for years, or something as simple as your friend's diaper caddy basket that she is done with and knows how handy it will be for you.
Men do not belong at baby showers. They just don't get it. Even great dads who are 100% hands-on and they take other dads under their wings and give great advice, have no place at a baby shower. I've been to co-ed showers, both for babies and for weddings, and the men invariably flee into the other room to talk about anything besides weddings or babies and maybe watch some sports. No, showers belong to women.
My guests were my friends who are better sisters to me than my actual sister ever tried to be, my in-laws who have welcomed me into their family, a newlywed wife of just over a month, grandmothers, mothers of older kids and toddlers, mothers who won't have more kids and mothers who just might. They talked about how to get through those first treacherous weeks and what helped them do it. They compared notes (special wipes or regular wipes--there was a moment of tension over this one...) and drank wine and gave me an amazing afternoon.
One of my dearest friends made me a cake out of diapers. I had heard of such a thing, but I thought it was an urban myth. Ro, if you see this, the memory of those two tiers of rolled-up diapers (and bibs and hooded towel) will make me smile for years to come. My friend Kathy came down for the weekend and helped me sort through the gifts and put together a list of what we'll need to pick up (um, we don't own a single bottle...) and what we have plenty of (washcloths). She's going to send down her Pack & Play that will serve as a bassinette for the first few weeks. Tina offered up her expertise on helping me shop for nursing gear, and Katie made a stack of be-ribboned burp cloths that I am hesitant to use but I know they will come in handy. Everyone gave something that struck them as necessary, either by its cuteness (onesies with ladybugs on them? CUTE!), its convenience (a sterilizer that goes in the microwave!) or its faith (a wall-hanging with a prayer on it that will be the first thing seen as you walk into the room).
We probably have about 3 weeks left before the baby is born. We know that we're about to have life as we know it become almost entirely rearranged. We are surrounded by people who are itching to help us get through it. And we can't wait.
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